Food Fight! The Best Dishes in the Twin Cities Face Off

The top contenders for best burgers, fried chicken, donuts, tacos, french fries, and bloody marys step into the ring to see who comes out on top.

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Picking sides has become a national pastime. And that’s no less true when we’re arguing about the best burger or the best pizza in town. As experts with extra gut space, we’ve jumped into the ring to settle the fight. We took on 15 epic food fights, narrowed the contenders down to the heavyweights, then ate them head-to-head. Who can claim to be the Best of the Best? Read on! 

Colossal Cafe vs. Hell’s Kitchen

Did you know that ordering a stack of pancakes for the table is a new thing at group brunches? It’s the perfect solution when you’re looking at a tantalizing menu and you’re not ready to commit to a full stack of your own. If you’re at one of the three Colossal Cafe locations, you’re getting the flappers. Griddled with yeast in the batter, flappers deliver an airy bite that somehow feels carb-free. If you’re downtown and underground at Hell’s Kitchen, you’re getting a stack of the lemon ricotta cakes, which spring back to the touch, bouncy and rich. Besides offering a fresh citrus wake-up call, the cakes provide a great base for the gallons of coffee and mimosa you’re about to ingest.

WINNER: Hell's Kitchen. Lemon-fresh mornings banish the blahs.

Hell’s Kitchen, 80 S. 9th St., Mpls., 612-332-4700, hellskitcheninc.com | Colossal Cafe, 2403 E. 38th St., Mpls., 612-886-3443; 2315 Como Ave., St. Paul, 651-797-4027; 1340 Grand Ave., St. Paul, 651-414-0543, colossalcafe.com

HOT DOGS

Nighthawks, Butcher & the Boar, Kyatchi

Tubular meats are America’s supreme street food, right? They rule ballparks, they revolve gaily at our better gas stations, they nourish us at Cub Scout gatherings. Chefs love them, too. Finer diner Nighthawks (3753 Nicollet Ave. S., Mpls.) serves avant-garde hot dogs with peanut butter, roasted grapes, and “banana dust.” At Butcher & the Boar (1121 Hennepin Ave., Mpls.), a footlong emerges festooned with thin rings of fresh Fresno chili pepper and chow-chow. At Kyatchi (3758 Nicollet Ave., Mpls.), the true spirit of the street comes through—though it’s the Tokyo streets. Yakisoba Dog presents a local Peterson Limousin Beef wiener, deftly charred. The surprise and depth come from a salty crown of soba noodles. Topping it off: red ginger, smoothed with Japanese mayo. 

1. WIN: Kyatchi

2. PLACE: Nighthawks 

3. SHOW: Butcher & the Boar

Tattersall vs. Icehouse

Bloody mary life splits into two camps: Those who believe in more garnishes, and those who believe in the most possible garnishes, such that the skewers resemble a buffet. Tattersall Distilling has dared to walk a different path in its Nordeast cocktail room, offering versions that try to take the focus off the garnish. Its unforgettable aquavit bloody combines a steamed tomato mixture with onions, celery, and a horseradish tincture. (The V8-and-aquavit version offers another spin on this simpler style.) By contrast, Eat Street’s Icehouse offers five of the best maximalist (but still classy!) bloodies in town. Don’t miss the ode to Homer Simpson, with a tiny donut and a strip of bacon on the glass, or the ode to Lisa Simpson, with a whole garden of house-pickled farmers’ market vegetables.

WINNER: Icehouse. The Bloody Laphroaig comes with a big old confit duck wing on top—and flies away with the win.

Icehouse, 2528 Nicollet Ave. S., Mpls., 612-276-6523, icehousempls.com | Tattersall Distilling, 1620 Central Ave. NE, Ste. 150, Mpls., 612-584-4152, tattersalldistilling.com

Young Joni vs. Red’s Savoy

How do you measure your pizza fanaticism? Whether by crust, by sauce, by cut, or by toppings, you judge and you eat it up. All those variables make it hard to compare any two pizzas. Red’s Savoy has long held local hearts, with its thin crust sliced into iconic squares. The vibrant sauce cuts through that pile of toppings and thick mantle of cheese. It is your pick-up pizza: a proven Minnesota comfort food. Young Joni, by contrast, dabbles in extending your comfort zone, with additions such as eggs, kimchi, and bulgogi (that is, spicy marinated meat). In a less-is-more move, Young Joni’s pizzas celebrate flavor balance and a simplicity of ingredients. Even a classic pie like YJ’s pepperoni and sausage employs a secret weapon: Nueske’s bacon. These smoky curls deliver the boost you never expected, but now forever need.

WINNER: Young Joni. You already know your pizza past; time to explore your pizza future.

Red’s Savoy, several metro locations, savoypizza.com | Young Joni, 165 13th Ave. NE, Mpls., 612-345-5719, youngjoni.com

FROZEN PIZZA

Heggies, Mucci’s, Lotzza Motzza

Frozen pizza needs its own category. Are you drunk and hungry? Do you have a pack of feral children circling? Are you grocery shopping at a gas station? It’s easy to give your grease-soaked heart to Heggies. While we’re happy to know that a chef like Doug Flicker pioneered their taco pizza, in our everyday lives, we’re reheating the Heggies Six Pack, loaded with salty meats from a bar-top oven. Mucci’s deep-fried pizzas entered the market as the frozen version of the St. Paul restaurant favorites. As for Lotzza Motzza: Well, it definitely brings you as much dairy as you can handle in one sitting. Truth in advertising! 

1. WIN: Heggies

2. PLACE: Mucci’s 

3. SHOW: Lotzza Motzza

Parlour vs. Saint Dinette

Burgers are us, Minnesota: our most passionately debated and desired food. Every night, Instagrammers flock to Parlour and Saint Dinette, and shoot their burgers with a paparazzo’s eye for glamour. Pick one? The Parlour burger brings a bit more funk, sex, and carnivorous oomph. The Swiss-American cheese is as rich as a Bitcoin billionaire. And the blend of chuck, brisket, rib-eye, and butter—seared, smashed, and then double-seared—carries a char that invokes steak. By contrast, the smash burger at Saint Dinette seems as innocent as an ingénue. The bun evokes our fantasy of the white bread Jackie O. ate; the American cheese suggests the slick irresistibility of early Elvis. Put those on either side of a smash-griddled patty and you’re tasting the American ideal of a cheeseburger.

WINNER: Parlour. Come on, a dirty burger is going to win in 2018.

Parlour Bar St. Paul, 267 W. 7th St., St. Paul, 651-207-4433, parlourbar.com | Saint Dinette, 261 E. 5th St., St. Paul, 651-800-1415, saintdinette.com

FRIES

Spoon and Stable, Red Cow, The Lexington

Forever a sidekick and never the superhero? That’s not the plight of these taters, which can stand in for a meal, especially with a good drink at happy hour. Red Cow’s (several metro locations) fries play well against fat burgers. When possible, the potatoes have been sourced from a local farmer. The fluffy interior pairs perfectly with craft beer. Drinkers of Champagne, meanwhile, have long loved the skinny fry as an accompaniment. The Lexington’s (1096 Grand Ave., St. Paul) potato puffs—the edible version of bubbles—take that style into a stratospheric realm. When you’re sitting at the Spoon and Stable (211 N. 1st St., Mpls.) bar, and you really want another cocktail but need a little belly love, these fries give you permission to hang. They’re hand-cut fingers of spud, with a generous toss of salt. Ordering a third cocktail? Two orders of fries should suffice. 

1. WINNER: Spoon and Stable 

2. PLACE: The Lexington 

3. SHOW: Red Cow

Hewing Hotel vs. Bellecour

The old-fashioned reigns as the grand dame of the craft-cocktail world and the queen of our whiskey-loving hearts. Riffs on the old lady include versions with tequila and gin. But our tastes lean toward the classic (and by that we do not mean the old cherry/orange-muddle mess). In Wayzata, Bellecour crafts its signature old-fashioned with a custom Maker’s Mark bourbon special to the restaurant and this drink. The flavor profile feels light and elegant—lithe, even. Bellecour formulates this drink to let the whiskey shine. Hewing Hotel’s bar, in the North Loop, sells some 1,000 old-fashioneds in a typical weekend. It comes loaded for bear, with three whiskeys all weighing in at 90 proof or more. Not subtle, but damn sexy with richly rolling caramel notes and logo-branded ice.

WINNER: Bellecour. Let the whiskey light shine! And you can have more than one without falling off your chair.

Tullibee at Hewing Hotel, 300 Washington Ave. N., Mpls.,651-468-0600, hewinghotel.com | Bellecour, 739 E. Lake St., Wayzata, 952-444-5200, bellecourrestaurant.com

Pajarito vs. Maya Cuisine

Tacos have claimed food headlines for years now: Do we want a taco truck on every street corner or not? Pitting top taco spots against each other feels fraught: Consider the fusion tacos like the grilled Japanese squash at World Street Kitchen—so delicious! But is it really a taco? Pajarito is St. Paul’s chef-driven taco destination, with fresh chilies in the margaritas and a chipotle beef-barbacoa taco that is so decadent it will blow your mind. Then there’s Maya Cuisine. A woman with serious tortilla skills stands at the head of the cafeteria line hand-making each fresh tortilla, while the fresh salsa bar lets you amplify or gild each taco to a gold standard.

WINNER: Maya Cuisine. Good tortillas are the bones of a great taco.

Pajarito, 605 W. 7th St., St. Paul, 651-340-9545, pajaritostp.com | Maya Cuisine, 1840 Central Ave. NE, Mpls., 612-789-0775; Rosedale Ctr., Roseville, 651-340-7059, facebook.com/mayacuisine

BANH MI

Lu’s Sandwiches, Vellee Deli, Ngon Bistro

Banh mi are the subs that evolved from the colony once known as French Indochina. The French occupiers brought pâté, mayo, and baguettes, which the locals filled with pickled daikon, lemongrass-infused sausages, and sometimes curried tofu. Ngon Bistro’s (799 University Ave., St. Paul) classic version—filled with sweet-glazed, thin-cut pork—pairs with a craft beer and fresh-cut fries. The bargain street food Lu’s Sandwiches on Eat Street (2624 Nicollet Ave. S., Mpls.), sets a banh mi standard, with tangy “sour sausage” and “special ham.” This is Vietnamese charcuterie in fine style. Finally, Vellee Deli (Baker Ctr., 109 S. 7th St., Mpls.) fans stalk the skyways for that good citrus-marinated pickle. The tofu banh mi here stands out as one of the Cities’ top vegetarian sandwiches. 

1. WIN: Lu’s Sandwiches 

2. PLACE: Vellee Deli 

3. SHOW: Ngon Bistro 

Smack Shack vs. Octo Fishbar

Lobster rolls make the ideal seafood indulgence when you don’t have time for mess and shells. How odd that the metro’s best come from the two founders of former fine-dining standard-bearer La Belle Vie, who split up long ago. Josh Thoma’s Smack Shack offers two lobster rolls: one light and chill with tarragon and cucumber, one warm and buttery in a split-top bun. Both are excellent: Order them with a cup of killer clam chowder. Meanwhile, at Tim McKee’s smaller Octo Fishbar, each lobster roll gets a fine chef’s close attention. And the warm, griddled milk buns with the ethereal lobster? When a seafood splurge turns orgiastic, that’s an Octo lobster roll.

WINNER: Octo Fishbar. This crew never takes for granted a dish the East Coast takes for granted.

Octo Fishbar, 289 E. 5th St., St. Paul, 651-202-3415, octostp.com | Smack Shack, 603 Washington Ave. N., Mpls., 612-259-7288, smack-shack.com

BAGELS

Rise, St. Paul Bagelry, Common Roots

Legend holds that peddlers once walked the shtetl streets with bagels strung through the middle. You can sense this European ghost in the bagels at Common Roots (2558 Lyndale Ave. S., Mpls.): humble, as if from a home kitchen in the age of Isaac Bashevis Singer. St. Paul Bagelry’s (Roseville and Mpls.) offerings feel more midcentury: the malty bagels Long Islanders like Billy Joel grew up on. North Loop’s Rise (530 N. 3rd St., Mpls.) brings bagels into the artsy present: the interiors a universe of holes, the exteriors covered with charred onion. 

1. WIN: Rise 

2. PLACE: St. Paul Bagelry 

3. SHOW: Common Roots

Revival vs. Handsome Hog

Our state’s Norski heritage doesn’t involve a lot of fried chicken. So we have to thank our recent transplants for bringing us the beautiful birds we’ve seen popping up around the metro. Revival’s Thomas Boemer helped launch our current crispy-chicken fascination. From a heaping pile, choose the Southern-fried version: It sets the bar for juicy bird, with its flavorful breading. Or try the Tennessee hot, which is hotter than a 1970s playground slide in summer. At Handsome Hog, across from Mears Park in Lowertown, chef Justin Sutherland follows the inspiration of his grandmother’s Sunday chicken. The pieces crunch audibly with every bite while, underneath, the tender core pulls easily from the bone—not an easy feat. 

WINNER: Revival. Its spiciest, tongue-cauterizing version, Poultrygeist, is the third level of chicken—a dish unto itself.

Handsome Hog, 203 E. 6th St., St. Paul, 651-340-7710, handsomehog.com | Revival, 4257 Nicollet Ave., Mpls., 612-345-4516; 525 Selby Ave., St. Paul, 651-340-2355, revivalfriedchicken.com

RAMEN

Zen Box Izakaya, Ramen Kazama, Tori Ramen

In what seemed like a nanosecond, ramen went from a dorm-room microwave staple to a genuine Japanese restaurant invasion. These days, not only do ramen shops abound, but fancy chefs serve midnight ramen on weekends to create buzz. Zen Box Izakaya (602 Washington Ave. S., Mpls.) serves solid standards like tonkotsu and wildly creative weekend specials, including the broth-on-the-side tsukemen dipping ramen for hot days. Tori Ramen (161 N. Victoria St., St. Paul) presents St. Paul’s most innovative bowls, using poultry (and no pork) in its broths and dishes. Kingfield’s Ramen Kazama (3400 Nicollet Ave. S., Mpls.), our first true counter-service ramen shop, inspires lines for its pungent and spicy magma ramen.

1. WINNER: Zen Box Izakaya 

2. PLACE: Tori Ramen 

3. SHOW: Ramen Kazama

Mojo Monkey vs. Glam Doll

Donut life in the Twin Cities has moved from the sleepy corner bakery to the maximalist glam-rock pastry palace. Mojo Monkey Donuts serves up the best of both worlds, with a homey St. Paul location. Flour-covered bakers pop out of the back to serve the donuts, with their pastry-chef flavors. Key lime cream shows off a tart, zingy filling. And the root beer float includes a cute-as-can-be straw, poking out of the frosting. Glam Doll forges a flashy rockabilly path, furnishing glitzy donuts to visiting First Ave. celebs (e.g., the Wu-Tang Clan!) that end up on their Insta. Still, for us, Glam Doll’s star will forever be the fresh raspberry curd–filled Femme Fatale.

WINNER: Mojo Monkey. Mojo has that certain mojo, and even a little juju and voodoo that make a donut into a treat wrapped in a delight stuffed into a thrill.

Mojo Monkey Donuts, 1169 W. 7th St., St. Paul, 651-224-0142, mojomonkey.biz | Glam Doll Donuts, 2605 Nicollet Ave., Mpls., 612-345-7064; 519 Central Ave. NE, Mpls., 612-223-8071, glamdolldonuts.com

Lightning Round

Our editors throw out some of their best bets around town.

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