21 Ways To Use The Rural South Dakota Town You Just Bought

You just purchased Swett, South Dakota. Now what?

Swett, South Dakota is for sale.

Thanks to an enterprising fella looking to leave the world of small town-ownin’ behind, all 6.16 acres of the unincorporated town of Swett, South Dakota—two hours southeast of Rapid City (roughly nine from the Twin Cities) on US 18—and everything therein is for sale for a piddly $399,000. So, instead of committing your hard-earned scratch to the purchase of a cabin like every other Tom, Dick, and Harry, allow us to encourage you to buy the South Dakota town replete with its own bar, a three-bedroom house, and a “1990 Volvo semi that is currently used to haul trailers.” Once it's yours, feel free to consult this list of 21 ways to use Swett to its fullest:

  1. Turn it into a Roadhouse theme park. Hire Steven Grant Douglas to play Swayze's character.
  2. Create the longest lazy river in South Dakota. Change the city slogan to "The Venice of southwestern South Dakota."
  3. Turn Swett into a Branson for washed-up ‘90s bands. Hire Mark McGrath as mayor.
  4. Get the town sponsored by Right Guard with the promise of eventually changing the name to "No Swett."
  5. Store your Beanie Babies there.
  6. Run for mayor.
  7. Run for sheriff.
  8. Run for mayor and sheriff.
  9. Fix it up, name the town bar “Twisted,” tweak the spelling of the city’s name, and sell it at a tidy profit to Keith Sweat.
  10. Kickstart funds for Light Rail transit to the bustling metropolis of Rapid City and make Swett a Roadhouse-centric dormer community.
  11. Build a stadium and bid for the Super Bowl.
  12. Build stadiums and bid for the World Cup.
  13. Use it as the setting for a reality show that basically just documents what happens to James Franco when he spends a year living alone in a lonely place called Swett.
  14. Create/ display a ball of twine larger than the one in Darwin, Minnesota. Laugh all the way to the bank (which is probably just your living room, but still). 
  15. Build a wall around it . . . and a moat.
  16. Lobby to get the post office back (it closed in 1945). Become a postal worker delivering only to yourself.
  17. Increase the population from 2 to 10 in a way that doesn’t include inviting all your friends to come live in Swett.
  18. Increase the population from 2 to 10 in a way that includes inviting all your friends come live in Swett.
  19. Something with pheasants.
  20. Rename it "Scooter Sturgis" and host an annual scooter/ moped rally.
  21. Instate the first Bitcoin-only economy.
Have your own thoughts about what to do with Swett? Share them in the comments section.