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Questions for Your Caterer
By: Falen Bonsett and Paul (Meatsauce) Lambert | Posted: 02/10/2014
Editor's Note: Altar-bound couple Falen Bonsett and Paul (Meatsauce) Lambert are both local radio morning show personalities. On either's show the topic of their relationship is far from off-limits, but seeing as Meatsauce's show (KFAN's The Power Trip) is primarily guys talking sports and Falen's (KDWB's The Dave Ryan Show) skews to the female demographic, depending on which you listen to, you're really only getting half the story. We thought we'd let them tell you the rest . . . he said/ she said style.
How the Relationship Began: Falen's Version
I remember during my first week on KDWB someone texted in to the show and asked if I was dating Meatsauce.
I was like, "Who in the hell is Meatsauce? That's the worst name ever!"
I finally met him at an in-studio Ellie Goulding performance. He was going on and on about how hot she was and that he was going to date her.
I said, "You do realize she's dating Skrillex, right?"
He threw his phone and stormed out. I was like, "That guy is a weirdo." But still, I started following him on Twitter at some point and thought he was pretty funny.
Fast forward a bit, and he invited a few co-workers to see him do standup. I was pretty worried seeing someone I know do standup. I was thinking, "God, I hope he doesn't suck!" He didn't. He was hilarious. But when I went up to tell him, he was a jerk. He was short with conversation and walked away.
So I tweeted at him that he was an ass and dead to me.
Eventually, we started tweeting each other back and forth about random stuff and decided to go to a movie together . . . "not as a date; just as friends." That led to another movie, and after that movie, he asked me on a "date."
I remember calling my friend after I said yes saying, "Oh my God, I think I'm going on a date with Meatsauce!"
Here’s the checklist from that date:
1. He dressed up. Check! But his clothes were huge because he had just lost 65 pounds, which is amazing. We now laugh about the pants he wore. They were his only nice pants, and they were so huge. We call them his "Hammer pants." It was also a super hot day in July and he was wearing a long sleeved button up shirt. He was so hot that he had to change before we went to our next stop, the Stone Arch Bridge.
2. He picked a restaurant. Check! I hate going back and forth with someone . . . "You pick, I don't care, you pick . . ."
3. He made me drive. What?!
4. We got to the restaurant that I won't name, and I hated it. I am from southern Indiana and I can't stand food that's overly "fancy." I loved that he looked up one of the nicer restaurants in town, but now he knows if the menu says "small plates" I probably won't like it. I don't get it, I want spaghetti with marinara, not wine, as the sauce. It's just weird to me. Either way, we were both nervous and didn't eat a lot.
5. He brought up serial killers. I was like, "Uh, did you seriously just bring up serial killers on our first date?" He screamed, "Dammit! My friend told me before this date, 'Whatever you do, Paul, DON'T bring up serial killers."
6. Going in to the date, I wasn't sure about dating Paul, but after, I knew I had to keep dating him. I just knew he was special.
How the Relationship Began: Measauce's [Vastly Longer] Version
The day I heard Dave Ryan had hired a new cohost I asked the question all males would ask: "Is she hot?" Her co-worker said yes, so that piqued my interest, but like most things I'd probably found free pizza in the break room and moved on.
Fast forward to some random Tuesday night. I was making dinner for myself when my roommate’s girlfriend walked into the kitchen and started talking to me about my dating life. At the time it was nonexistent so the conversation was short and I was more concerned about the chicken and broccoli I was making.
There were a few moments of silence and then she said, "You should ask out Falen from The Dave Ryan Show." Since I basically had no idea who this "Falen" was, I made small talk and moved on to eating my tasteless meal.
For no reason other than boredom I was hanging out at the station on the same day Ellie Goulding was performing in Studio C. I'd always thought she was attractive and having nothing else on the table that day, I walked in.
I was talking to a co-worker when in walked this woman in a Beastie Boys T-shirt. I leaned over to my co-worker and said, "Who the hell is that?," to which they said, "Oh, that's Falen."
We were introduced, Falen said something funny, and all I remember thinking was, "This chick is really cool."
After Ellie played "Your Song" and I found out she was dating Skrillex I was no longer interested and left.
A few days later Justin Gaard, my co-worker, told me he thought Falen liked me and so did my best friend’s wife. I, being oblivious, just brushed it off.
Fast forward to that June.
I'd seen Falen a few times in the hallways at work and remembered she was showing her family around the station. She walked by me and if I could describe the way I felt when she said "hi" to me I would quit radio and write Danielle Steel romance novels.
That was the moment I told myself that I was going to ask her out. The following Saturday when I got to work to prep for my show (aka watch YouTube clips) I went into the KDWB studio and asked the guy on the air at the time if Falen and a co-worker of hers were dating. He said they were. A part of me was crushed, but I pressed on.
The following Friday I saw Falen and the co-worker I thought she was dating having lunch. I asked them if they had weekend plans and invited them to come watch me do standup. They both said yes.
I don't normally get nervous to do standup but I’ll admit that when I saw her walk in I knew I had to be funny. And whether it was meant to be or whatever, I crushed it that night. I had never before—and to this day still haven’t—done a better job.
Nevertheless, when I finished she approached me and told me how funny I was, but I brushed her off with one word answers and wasn’t very friendly because I thought she was dating the guy she was with. She walked away and ended up sending me a direct message on Twitter that I was "dead to her." You'd think I'd be used to rejection, but that time it hurt.
I had realized Twitter was a good outlet to express my humor, but it also turned out to be an excellent source to flirt with Falen. A week after the comedy fallout I'd tweeted that I was going to see a movie at noon (I really thought people were writing my biography) and Falen immediately responded with "Thanks for the invite." I quickly looked up the movie times for the following day and responded, “You can come see Spider-Man with me at noon tomorrow.” She did.
I flirted back and forth on Twitter with her that weekend when I was in Milwaukee visiting family and going to Brewers games. I'd spent the majority of the game coming up with witty ways to get her attention on Twitter, and I remember constantly refreshing my phone and waiting for her response. Eventually, as we pulled out of the tailgate lot she sent a DM that’s still saved in my phone to this day. It simply said "What is your number?"
I looked up from my phone with the biggest smile and from the back seat my brother said, "She asked for your phone number." I wanted to ask her out that second but my bro and my buddy told me to wait. When we got back into town and I asked her if she wanted to see the new Batman movie. She said yes and we went to the movie and as we walked back to our cars I said, "What are you doing tomorrow? Would you like to go to dinner?"
I was waiting for the ol’ "I'm having a root canal for the next week" excuse. But she said yes. She told me she liked "to eat with the blue hairs so let's eat early" and I made reservations at a certain fancy Italian restaurant that shall remain nameless. I even bought a new shirt.
When I called my best friend to tell him the news he gave me this advice, "Paul, I know you, and when you get nervous you like to bring up serial killers. Whatever you do, do not bring up serial killers."
By late in their first date Meatsauce had already changed his shirt once, and a coworker had joined the party.
On date night I met Falen at the station and asked her if she would drive (rookie mistake). We went to dinner, started with small talk, and, no joke, 10 minutes in I started blathering about serial killers and went on to have a Chris Farley moment in that I told her how stupid I felt, and how my best friend warned me not to do it but I did it anyway.
I was so nervous I ordered something I thought was something else. Neither of us ate. Later I found out she
really disliked the food. After dinner we went to the Stone Arch Bridge because she'd never been there before. We ended up stopping by my place so I could change shirts since I wore a long sleeve dress shirt on July 20. Then we went to Uptown to meet some of her friends. I remember being in the crowded bar and having great conversation with her. When we finally got back to my car, we were sitting in hers and I remember the Neon Trees song "Everyone" came on the radio. I hated that song but for some reason at that moment I was only concerned with the lovely lady across from me. I told her good night and went home.
She texted, "I had a great time."
I was hooked. She was the prettiest, funniest, woman I'd ever met. We went to Original Pancake House the next morning and I couldn't be without her. She's the love of my life.
Read the engagement story . . .
Kara is a communications manager at U.S. Bank. See her engagement story.
Taylor is a magazine editor at MSP Communications. See her engagement story.
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